10:14 PM, Saturday, January 24, 2009
flip a coin
sometimes i just wonder if i've made any right decisions. its been the most slack fornight of my life. OOT during BMT. enjoying life in aircon, doing saikang while your friends are melting under the hot sun. strangely i dont feel happy. i wonder if it was a mistake. i could have gotten into OCS easily. being from the enhanced leadership batch already placed me at an advantage over others. moreover, i had 2 ex-classmates in my section and another 2 in my platoon. my platoon mates are nice, wonderful people. my PC, PS and SCs are all damn nice and approachable. my OC is one who cares. perhaps i was too rash? i guess its too late to regret it now. i'll just have to live with it. i guess the best way is to make full use of the extra time i have now to study uni and hopefully i'll be able to skip a few years..
this path i'm choosing, will i feel accomplished at the end? will i feel satisfied? i doubt so, though i so hope that time will prove me wrong.
songs of the week:
1. love story - taylor swift
2. if i were a boy - beyonce
3. i don't care - fall out boy
4. keeps getting better - christina aguilera
5. i caught myself - paramore
6. leave out all the rest - linkin park
7. mercy - one republic
2:42 AM, Friday, January 09, 2009
with a tinge of nostalgia
by the time anyone reads this, i'm probably off the main island of singapore enjoying my 2 weeks of honeymoon. its been a lazy month since the last post and i'm happy to conclude i have accomplished practically nothing. other than passing my BTT and obtaining my PDL, its basically a wasted month. not like my life has been anything on the productive side.
i wont miss home, i will miss the past. i will regret the things i had not had the courage to do, and i will hate myself each night. i've come to reject alot of things, to wane in my own self pity. a weird combination of disbelief and longing. it just seems that what i long for is not of this existance. where then would i seek for it? where will i be satisfied? it just feels so screwed up.
then again, i was hoping someone would ask me out to celebrate my last day as a civilian. but no, no one knew. no one bothered. not like it matters anymore. i'll probably just lock myself in my own emo walls. i wont miss my pink ic. i swear. number 2 blade hairstyle also feels weird and itchy. i swear i will let it grow back once i ORD. don't miss me, whoever you are! i'll be back :)
to my loyal fans, which i know none exist but i'm hoping there are,
goodbye for now, see you in 2 weeks. hopefully.
songs for the week:
1. supermassive blackhole - muse
2. decode - paramore
3. you raise me up - josh groban
4. here come the girls - sugababes
5. can't buy me love - the beatles
and more i can't remember now...
